


Masquerade - Cracking

by Retasudesu



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-31
Updated: 2015-10-31
Packaged: 2018-04-29 02:51:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5113421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Retasudesu/pseuds/Retasudesu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sho wanted him from the very first time he ever saw him, and he'd do anything to make him his.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Masquerade - Cracking

**Author's Note:**

> Continuation from Masquerade. Unbetaed.

If there was anyone for Sho to thank, it would be no other than Jun.

They were best friends – they met each other in the college, having to do a project together in the business course they took. At first Sho thought that Jun was arrogant, and it was clear to him that Jun didn’t like him that much either (later on he found out that Jun thought of him as smartass), but they hit it off, somehow. It was so easy to talk to him – Jun was mature, with a very critical view to the world, and he was brought up in the same way as Sho. Proud parents, elite family, expectations, _pressure._ Soon enough, they were best friends. Soon enough, both their families were introduced to each other. Soon enough, one could expect seeing Sakurai Sho in a party that Matsumoto’s family held, and one could expect seeing Matsumoto Jun in a party that Sakurai’s family held.

And that day, he thought it was just that – another party with people to impress with.

There was something different, though. Jun seemed more excited than usual; his eyes gleamed in the way that reminded Sho of how it’d look like whenever Jun entered a boutique. When he asked him why, Jun said, “My childhood friend, Satoshi, will come.”

“Satoshi?” Sho had asked, not knowing that later on, that name would forever be the name that he’d cherished for his whole life.

“Ohno Satoshi.” Jun said. “Come to the party tomorrow, and I’ll introduce you guys.”

Sho obliged, of course, because Jun had always introduced his friends to him – there was Aiba, the air-headed but kind-hearted guy, and there was also Nino, the sarcastic, sharp-tongued, but smart and very attentive guy. Sho came along with nothing to expect – he wasn’t looking forward to being introduced to this ‘Satoshi’, rather, he was looking forward for the food.

And that was what he was doing – he was gobbling up the sandwiches when Jun approached him with a wide grin on his face. “Sho-kun, I want you to meet Satoshi.”

Sho turned around, his eyes falling into a small figure standing shyly behind Jun, and then he nearly choked.

_What was this perfection?_ Sho wondered. He stared at Satoshi’s fluffy hair, at his brown, sleepy and yet warm eyes, at his tanned and yet smooth skin, at his smiling pink lips, at his beautiful, long fingers –

“Sho-kun, this is Ohno Satoshi.” Jun said then. “And Satoshi, this is Sakurai Sho. He’s the guy that I always told you of.”

“The guy that loves to eat.” Satoshi remarked, naturally, but then his face reddened when he realized what he was saying, and he clutched on Jun even more, and Sho’s heart skipped a beat at that. “Sorry.” He mumbled.

“N-no… I do – I love to eat.” Sho mumbled back awkwardly. “Like – you see. Right now, I’m eating.”

Jun stared at him like he was crazy, but Satoshi was smiling from behind him, and all that Sho could do was grinning back like a fool.

“Well, you guys can eat together then. I have to meet my father in a bit – got some people to talk to.” Jun turned to Satoshi, and when he talk, his voice was a note lower, softer than Sho has ever heard him talking, “Will you be okay if I leave you for a while?”

Satoshi looked up at him nervously, and then back to Sho, and Sho tried to show that he was harmless by smiling even wider (which later he found out only scared Satoshi more). After a moment of pondering, Satoshi finally shrugged. “Okay.” He huffed. “But don’t take too long, Jun.”

“I won’t.” Jun promised him, and then he turned to Sho. “You take care of my friend, yeah?”

“Leave it to me.” Sho saluted. Jun shook his head with a small smile playing on his lips, and then he left after he promised Satoshi that he wouldn’t take long.

And then, it was awkward.

Sho was fidgeting as he shyly glanced at Satoshi – he wasn’t sure what he should be talking about with him. Would he like to talk about business? Or maybe politics? Or maybe something even more concerning like the tax and –

“Have you tried the tuna sandwich?”

Sho blinked, eyes staring at Satoshi who was busy staring at the sandwich on Sho’s plate. “Err…no.” Sho said after a while. “I was eating the egg one just now. And the ham, and also –“

“Try the tuna.” Satoshi insisted. “The ham is good too but I promise you, the tuna sandwich is even better.”

Before Sho could react, Satoshi turned away from him, carefully picking the sandwich on the table, and then he placed the tuna sandwich on Sho’s plate. “Try it.” He said, “It’ll be delicious, I promise.”

Satoshi didn’t even have to promise – at this moment, he could even show up with fried insects and Sho’d still eat them all. He was flattered enough that Satoshi has handpicked the food for him, so without further ado, he took a bite of it.

“How is it? It’s good, right?” Satoshi asked, eyes sparkling as he waited for Sho’s reaction.

Sho couldn’t even think about how it tasted – his heart was beating too fast, banging against his ribcage and threatening to break it down; but even then, he answered, “It’s delicious.”

Satoshi looked  very pleased, and then he proceeded on telling Sho on which sandwich from which restaurant did he liked, and they ended up talking about food even until Jun joined them back.

And as he watched Satoshi walked away with Jun that night, he knew then that he wanted him in his life. He wanted someone that wouldn’t bother to talk about business or politics or economics with him – he wanted someone like Satoshi, who would randomly switched from talking about sandwich to tuna to his hobby about fishing. He wanted someone that he could relax with, someone that he didn’t have to impress.

He wanted him.

***

His plan on getting closer to Satoshi’s family was a success.

It was easy, really easy to be a part of them. After that night, Sho has literally bombarded Jun with every single question he could ever think to ask, and from him then he found a lot of info about Satoshi, like how he was the baby in the family, or how close he was with his mother, or the fact that Satoshi’s father didn’t attend party much even though he worked in the same line of business like Jun’s family. The latter was the most important part, really, because if he wanted Satoshi to be his, then of course he had to steal his parent’s heart first. Knowing that he would never had any chance to meet them at the party, Sho started to tag along whenever Jun went out with Satoshi – at first there were only the three of them, but to make it less suspicious, Sho had managed to ask Aiba and Nino to tag along, and then they got along well, the five of them. It wasn’t long until Satoshi finally let them come to their house, and once Sho met his parents, he worked out his charm. It was easy, really. He just has to be polite. He just has to speak gently. He just has to be smart in choosing his words. He just has to smile in his charming way. He just has to be the gentleman he was.

By the end of the night, he managed to engage himself in a very serious conversation with Satoshi’s father about the business he was working on (while the others were busy drinking tea while chatting with Satoshi’s mother and sister), and then he swiftly said, “I think I can help you with that. How about I introduce you to my parents?”

Satoshi’s father eyes gleamed, and Sho knew then that he had his support.

One step closer.

After that, everything went smoothly. He managed to convince Satoshi’s father to attend one of the party his family held, and he introduced his family to them, and oh, how pleased he was to find out that his parents like Satoshi too – Satoshi was amazing that way. He could just stand around looking at nothing and everyone would still fall for him, at how peaceful and warm he was.

“We were talking about business, but I can see that it’s not the reason why you introduced them to me.” His father said to him after the party ended. “There’s something else that you want, isn’t there?” He stopped for a moment, and then he added, “It’s their son that you want, right?”

Sho only smiled.

With the way their families accepted each other, Sho had more access to Satoshi’s place. He didn’t have to bring Jun along every time he wanted to meet Satoshi – he could come anytime he wish, and he’d be welcomed all the time with the beautiful tea set Satoshi’s mother owned and delicious cakes that his sister baked.

And of course, Satoshi himself would be there. He’d always accompanied him, and they’d talked a lot. Or sometimes there would be no talking – they’d take a walk outside and Satoshi would sit at a random place and draw, and Sho would quietly sit beside him, willing all the heavy thoughts to leave his mind, focusing only with how peaceful he felt whenever he was with Satoshi. At first he’d just sit beside him, and then he got braver and he sat even closer, their shoulders touching. When Satoshi didn’t complaint, he tried to rest his head on Satoshi’s shoulder on the next time they were out together. He was kind of afraid that Satoshi would be uncomfortable, but all the man saying was, “Tired?”

Sho hummed, and then Satoshi put down his sketchbook and pencil, and he patted his laps.

“Come here.”

Sho didn’t need to be told twice.

Later that night, when they went back to Satoshi’s place and he was about to leave, Satoshi’s father walked him to the door. “Say, Sho-kun.”

“Yes, sir?” Sho stared at him curiously.

“Are you…” He cleared his throat a bit. “Are you interested with my son?”

Sho kept on staring at him, his heart started beating fast. “Sir?”

“I won’t mind, you know.” Satoshi’s father said then. “In fact, I’d be happy.”

Sho didn’t even bother to hide his gleeful smile.

“My pleasure, sir.”

***

Satoshi was quiet when he proposed to him.

Well, it wasn’t really him who proposed, but his family came to his place, and then his father outwardly said, “We’d like to ask for your son’s hand in marriage.”

Sho could see the surprise in Satoshi’s face – he stared at him, his eyes searching, and Sho’s eyes boldly meet his gaze, as if trying to say that ‘ _Yes, I want you. I want you in my life and I can’t possibly love anyone but you_.’ Maybe he succeeded in doing that, because realization seemed to dawn on Satoshi’s mind, and then the man ducked his head down, and he was quiet.

Sho wasn’t sure if it was a good sign or not.

“We’re so happy to hear that.” Satoshi’s father answered on his behalf then, and Satoshi turned his face at him, as if his father just betrayed him. “And we’d love to have Sho-kun as our son – he has been nothing but lovely to our family for all this time.” Satoshi’s father then turned to stare at Satoshi, his eyes a bit challenging as he looked down at his son. “What do you think, Satoshi?”

Satoshi looked trapped. Confused. Lost. And the sight of him biting his lower lips was too much for Sho that he had no choice but to say, “You can think about it.”

Satoshi stared at him, his eyes hopeful.

“You don’t have to answer now. You can take your time and think about it – I’ll wait no matter how long it’ll take you to answer.” Sho said gently. “Okay?”

“Thank you.” Satoshi whispered. “Thank you so much, Sho-chan.”

That night, he left without any answer from Satoshi, but before he left, Satoshi hugged him, tight, and he was so happy he kissed him on the forehead, and Satoshi let him.

He felt satisfied, really satisfied by that.

The next day though, his happiness disappeared because Jun suddenly barged into his room, his face red from anger as he suddenly grabbed Sho’s collar and shook his body, “Did you just proposed to Satoshi?” He asked from between his gritted teeth. “Did you?!”

“I did.” Sho answered quietly – he knew that he was wrong for not telling about it to Jun; he never told him that he was attracted to Satoshi, because he was kind of afraid. He could see that Jun treated Satoshi more than a friend, and while he thought that maybe it was because they’ve been friends for years, he still couldn’t shake off the feeling that maybe, there was something more. And he was afraid, truly afraid, because if it was true, there was no way he’d ever win from Jun. Never.

But he has gotten this far – he has gained Satoshi’s parents support, he has proposed, and all that was left was waiting for Satoshi’s answer; that was the only thing that he had no control with, of course, but Sho was almost positive that he’d have him soon.

And he wouldn’t even be here without Jun.

So he apologized; he apologized for never telling him about his feelings, he apologized for never telling Jun that he loved Satoshi so much he couldn’t stand it, he apologized for not telling Jun that he had proposed. “But I love him so much, Jun.” He begged. “I want him in my life – he’s the only thing that keeps me sane, I need him.”

And Jun has been quiet too. For the first time in years of their friendship, Jun was at loss of words. He only stared at the wall, long and agonizing as Sho kept on apologizing.

In the end, he said, “You’re my best friend.” Jun said slowly. “You’re my best friend, Sho.”

And then Jun left.

***

It was weeks before Sho finally heard from Satoshi, but one afternoon he received a call, and it was from Satoshi’s father. “My son is ready to talk to you.” He said. “Can you come over tonight?”

Sho knew what that means, and he nodded. “I will be there at 7.”

He arrived even faster than that, and Satoshi’s mother quickly ushered him in; it seems like they wanted him to join their dinner, but before that, his mother told Sho to come up to Satoshi’s room upstairs. “Why don’t you get him for us, dear?”

Sho, again, knew what that means, so he nodded and slowly made his way upstairs – it wasn’t hard to find where Satoshi’s room was; Satoshi’s father came out from one of the room, and when his eyes met Sho’s, he immediately smiled. “Hey, Sho-kun.” He greeted. “Satoshi is waiting for you.” He motioned to the room he just left, and after mumbling a ‘thank you’, Sho immediately slipped in and closed the door behind him. The room was lowly lit but from the yellow lamp on the nightstand, giving the blue-painted room a rather warm glow. Satoshi was sitting on the edge of his bed, his face ducked down, and Sho slowly walked closer to him. “Satoshi-kun?”

Satoshi looked up, and Sho could see that he was crying; his heart clenched painfully at that, and he was immediately kneeling in front of him, taking his hands on his and giving it a squeeze as he whispered, “What’s wrong, Satoshi-kun?”  

Satoshi shook his head, and he closed his eyes as more tears fell from the beautiful brown orbs. Sho wordlessly wiped his tears with his thumb, slowly tracing across the soft skin, when Satoshi suddenly said, “You’ll treat me right, right?” He asked with a trembling voice. “You’ll love me, right? You’ll never hurt me, right?”

Sho was surprised when Satoshi asked him those questions, but he knew that he should answer him, because Satoshi was staring at him with sad eyes, and he wanted nothing more to wipe away his sadness until there wasn’t any trace left. “I will.” He whispered as he cupped his face. “I will treat you right, Satoshi-kun. I will love you, forever and ever. I swear with my life that I’ll never hurt you – oh God I can’t even imagine that. I love you so much.” He said, trying to convince him with his words. “I love you too much, Satoshi-kun.”

He leaned forward to kiss him then; Satoshi’s body went rigid for a moment, but then finally he relaxed. Satoshi sighed against his lips, and then he finally opened his mouth, soft and slick against Sho, and he finally kissed back. They took it slow, lips moving against each other softly, and when they parted, Satoshi let out another sigh. “Sho-chan…”

“Yes?” Sho asked, fingers caressing Satoshi’s damp cheeks.

He heard Satoshi gulped, and then, “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I…” Satoshi took a deep breath. “Okay.”

Sho didn’t need him to say anything more, because he understood.

Rather, he kissed him again. And again. And again.

And no one ever came up to fetch them for dinner.

***

Jun called him a few days after, and he said, “I give you guys my blessings.”

Sho nearly choked at that. “Thank you.” He said. “Thank you so much, Jun.”

“Yeah.”

“Be my best man?”

Jun was quiet for a while, and then after a very heavy sigh, he said, “Yeah. Sure.”

“Thank you. Thank you so much.”

They hang up, and Sho cried.

He was just so happy. He couldn’t believe he got everything he ever wanted.

Or so he thought.

***

Satoshi was clearly not happy.

It has been a few months after they got married, and he just…changed.

He was still the same Satoshi that loved to eat tuna sandwich and draw and fish, he was still the same Satoshi that could abruptly change the topic he was talking about, he was still the same Satoshi that loved to nap or spending his afternoon staring at nothing. He was still the same Satoshi whose smile could melt Sho, whose eyes reminded Sho again and again on reason why he was in love with him.

But there was darkness in his drawing, there was a frown marring his face even on his sleep, there was sudden tears when he was daydreaming, there was sadness on his smile, pain on his eyes.

And Sho couldn’t tell why.

He loved him right. He treated him right. He never hurt him.

So why?

He tried asking Satoshi about it once; asking him whether he wasn’t satisfied in their marriage, but Satoshi only shook his head. “Everything is fine.” He’d said. “It really is.”

_Then why the tears?_

But Sho couldn’t ask for it anymore – he was afraid to hear the answer, but he knew that he couldn’t let this go on.

So one night, he gathered up with Aiba, Nino, and Jun, and he told them his problem.

Aiba’s response to his worries was, “Maybe you didn’t fuck him right.”

Nino smacked his head before Sho got the chance to, and the smaller guy clicked his tongue, “Seriously, Aiba?” He sneered. “You really are a pervert.”

“No, but really! Sex could lead to divorce, you know!” Aiba argued as he rubbed the sore spot on his head. “But seriously Sho-chan – do you guys have sex at all?”

“I don’t see why it’s –“

“Just answer me!”

“Of course we do!” Sho answered reluctantly, his face red both in anger and embarrassment. “We do, okay!”

“When is the last time you guys did it –“

“For God sake Aiba-chan –“

“Sho.”

“Last week!” Sho screeched. “Now what?!”

“Huh.” Aiba mumbled. “If it was me I’d probably have sex every day, but well, it wasn’t that bad. So the problem is not sex then.”

“Of course it’s not that, you idiot. Do you really think that their problem would be about sex –“ Nino started scolding Aiba, and Sho shook his head at his friend’s antic, but then he finally noticed Jun, who has stayed quiet throughout the whole conversation.

He looked angry.

Sho wasn’t the only one who noticed it, because then Nino also questioned if Jun needed to go to the restroom because he looked ‘constipated’. Jun laughed it away, but Sho would never forget his angry expression, or the fact that he kept his fists balled until his knuckles turned white for the rest of their talks.

He decided to approach him when he was walking to his car. Sho called out for him, and Jun was kind enough to actually wait for him, though his stare was still as cold as ever. “Are you okay, Jun?” Sho asked once he was close enough to him. “I mean, earlier, at dinner… You looked angry.”

Jun stared at him, and if stare could kill, Sho’d be dead by now. But he held his ground, and he stared back at Jun, waiting, wondering –

“Try harder.”

Sho blinked. “Huh?”

“You’re not trying.” Jun continued, but his tone was rising. “You’re not trying hard enough to make him happy.”

“Jun –“

“He hated all those social events that your family kept on having!” Jun suddenly shouted, and Sho froze. “He hated having to stand in the crowd alone while you went to greet everyone in the room. He loved being alone, but he hated being lonely; he must be so fucking lonely right now, with you being here and not at home. You said you love him, so try harder! Fish with him, run your fingers through his hair, cook him curry, take a bath with him, watch those silly comedians thing you’d never even watch in million years together with him, cuddle up with him on the couch, be random with him, take him someplace with a beautiful scenery and tell him again and again that you love him – LIKE HOW I USED TO!”

Maybe this was how it felt to have someone crushing your heart to even the tiniest bit, each shreds stabbing you mercilessly and leaving you numb.

Sho stared at Jun wordlessly, and Jun stared back at him, but the other guy was breathless, and his eyes were glossy, like he wanted to cry, but not in front of Sho. “Love him right.” Jun said, and Sho could tell that it was a threat. “Or I’ll steal him away, Sho, like how you steal him away from me.”

And just like months ago, Jun left.

***

“Sho-chan, would you like some tea?”

Satoshi greeted him like the usual; he himself was having tea while sitting in the couch with the tacky comedian show that Sho hated to his very core playing in the TV. Sho said nothing though; he just stood there in the hallway, unmoving, until finally it was Satoshi who approached him. “Sho-chan?” He called out worriedly.

Sho stared at him, and he wanted to ask, _‘Do you love Jun?_ ’

But he was so afraid – he was so heartbroken right now, and he couldn’t handle it if Satoshi said ‘yes’.

So instead, he asked, “Don’t you love me?”

Satoshi was stunned. He stared at Sho for a moment, his eyes wide and searching, and then the next moment he knew, Satoshi enveloped him in a hug. Sho immediately hugged back, almost as if he was craving for it, and he buried his face on Satoshi’s neck as Satoshi rubbed his back gently.

“I’ll stay, Sho-chan.” Satoshi whispered then to his ears. “I won’t be going anywhere. I’ll stay.”

_That wasn’t what I asked_.

But Sho said nothing more. He closed his eyes, and he relished himself in his warmth, pulling Satoshi even closer, and then he cried to the crook of his neck. After a while, Satoshi started sobbing too; the rubbing on his back stop and it turned into a clutching. “I’ll stay.” Satoshi repeated, again and again. “I’ll stay, Sho-chan. I’ll stay.”

And he wasn’t sure anymore if Satoshi was trying to convince him or himself, but Sho needed that anyway.

He couldn’t let this man go. He loved him too much. He wouldn’t give him up to anyone.

Not even to Jun.


End file.
